Local Man Solves Neighborhood’s Most Pressing Problem By Picking Up Your Dog’s Poop
Because Someone Has to Be the Adult
By Staff Writer, Holding the Bag
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CAMBRIDGE, MASSACHUSETTS — In a bold move that city officials are calling “helpful” and neighbors are calling “finally,” local resident Aaron has launched a dog-walking business built around one simple promise: he will pick up your dog’s poop.
Yes. Every time. Without sighing. Without pretending not to see it. Without leaving it “for later.”
“I realized people love dogs,” Aaron said, carefully knotting a bag with the confidence of a seasoned professional. “They just don’t love the part where dogs produce… evidence.”
A Revolutionary Business Model: Responsibility
Aaron’s service includes:
Walking your dog
Making sure your dog enjoys the walk
Picking up whatever your dog leaves behind
Disposing of it properly, quietly, and without making it your problem
Residents report immediate improvements in sidewalk morale.
“Before Aaron, every walk was like a minefield,” said one Cambridge local. “Now I can look at the ground again. It’s very healing.”
Not Just a Walk — A Cleanup Operation
Unlike other dog walkers who may “miss” certain… deposits, Aaron approaches each job with what experts describe as visual confirmation.
“He doesn’t rush,” said another client. “He waits. He watches. He handles it. That’s leadership.”
Aaron confirmed that poop pickup is not an optional add-on or an awkward extra charge.
“It’s included,” he said. “It’s the whole point.”
For Dogs, Owners, and the Greater Good
The business has quickly gained traction among:
Busy professionals
People who love dogs but hate crouching
Anyone who’s tired of pretending that pile was already there
Urban planners say Aaron’s work may singlehandedly reduce passive-aggressive neighborhood group chats by up to 40%.
Final Pitch
If you have a dog…
If that dog poops…
And if you’d prefer not to think about it anymore…
Aaron’s your guy.
He’ll walk your dog.
He’ll pick up the poop.
And he’ll leave Cambridge just a little bit better than he found it.