Major Tech Company Announces Revolutionary Product That Already Exists
Keynote Speaker Spends Two Hours Rebranding… a Chair.
New App Lets You Schedule Panic Attacks During Work Hours
New App Lets You Schedule Panic Attacks During Work Hours
Furloughed Federal Worker Who Already Emotionally Quit Must Now Pretend They’re Thrilled to Come Back
“I went through all five stages of grief, and now they want me to log back into Outlook?”
Office’s One Veteran Spends Veterans Day Explaining He Doesn’t Actually Want Free Applebee’s
Steve “Sarge” Hendricks just wanted to finish his quarterly report. Instead, he survived 47 thank-yous, three hugs, and a PowerPoint called “Our Hero, Our Spreadsheet Guy.”
Man Triumphantly Finishes One Task, Immediately Rewards Himself With Three-Hour Break
Hero declares victory over to-do list before realizing it was just the title of the list itself.
U.S. Government Breaks World Record for Doing Nothing
Congress Wins Gold in Inactivity as Shutdown Hits 37 Days
Mayor-Elect Zohran Mamdani Announces Bold Plan to Turn New York City into ‘Communist Paradise’ — Free Bagels for All (Except Billionaires)
Mayor-Elect Zohran Mamdani Announces Bold Plan to Turn New York City into ‘Communist Paradise’ — Free Bagels for All (Except Billionaires)
Scientists Discover Parallel Universe Exactly Like Ours, Except Everyone’s Chill
Interdimensional envy skyrockets as researchers confirm humanity’s most irritating flaw is, in fact, optional.
Millennial Declares Bankruptcy After Buying 3 Coffees and a Candle
Financial Analysts Say, “Yeah, That Tracks.”
Time Traveler Sends Himself a Phishing Email
Cybersecurity Experts Confirm Paradox Was ‘Technically Inevitable’
Zoom Introduces “Cry Filter” for Realistic Corporate Meetings
Now you can sob and look professional.
AI Takes the Controls as Air Traffic Controllers Work Without Pay — and Patience
AI Takes the Controls as Air Traffic Controllers Work Without Pay — and Patience
Congress Announces New Budget to Fund Debates About Funding Budgets
Congress Announces New Budget to Fund Debates About Funding Budgets
Apple Announces New iPhone That Comes Pre-Lost
Apple Announces New iPhone That Comes Pre-Lost
Man Sets ‘Do Not Disturb’ for the Rest of His Life
Man Sets ‘Do Not Disturb’ for the Rest of His Life
Man Forgets Password, Recovers Enlightenment Instead
Man Forgets Password, Recovers Enlightenment Instead
Cat Accidentally Sends Owner’s Resignation Letter for Work
Cat Accidentally Sends Owner’s Resignation Letter for Work
“It’s the purr-fect time for a career change,” feline reportedly thought.