Trump Announces Mail-In Voting Safe When Republicans Do It
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump announced Tuesday that mail-in voting is now safe and secure, following the discovery that Republicans are also allowed to use it.
Pope Clarifies AI Destroying Humanity Would Not Be ‘Fake News’
VATICAN CITY — Pope Leo XIV clarified that artificial intelligence wiping out the human race would constitute an actual event, even if people disliked the outlets reporting it.
Trump Named Greatest President in Prestigious Survey Conducted by Trump
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump has been named the greatest president in American history following an extensive and highly competitive review conducted by Donald Trump.
Trump Orders Fake Air Force One Shot Down With Fake News Media Aboard
WASHINGTON—President Donald Trump ordered a decoy Air Force One shot down Thursday after intelligence officials confirmed that the aircraft contained the White House press corps and, more importantly, did not contain him.
Trump Sad He Cannot Host Pizza Parties In The Ballroom
By Thurston P. Bootstrap IV, Senior Pizza Party Correspondent
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump is reportedly devastated after a federal appeals court blocked construction of his new White House ballroom, temporarily destroying his dream of hosting really awesome pizza parties.
Trump Threatens Iran With WWII-Level CAPS LOCK
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump escalated tensions with Iran late Saturday by deploying levels of CAPS LOCK not seen since World War II, unleashing a concentrated barrage of capital letters across Truth Social and placing the entire Persian Gulf on heightened typographical alert.
Trump’s Fortune Cookie Confirms Iran Will Never Have a Nuclear Weapon
BEIJING, CHINA — President Donald Trump’s high-stakes state visit to China reportedly yielded a major diplomatic breakthrough Thursday after the president cracked open a fortune cookie at a formal banquet and discovered a tiny slip of paper reading: “Iran will never have a nuclear weapon.”