Trump Sad He Cannot Host Pizza Parties In The Ballroom

By Thurston P. Bootstrap IV, Senior Pizza Party Correspondent

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump is reportedly devastated after a federal appeals court blocked construction of his new White House ballroom, temporarily destroying his dream of hosting really awesome pizza parties.

“We had everything planned,” Trump said. “Pepperoni. Sausage. Diet Coke. Tremendous pizza. Probably the greatest pizza party any president has ever had.”

White House officials confirmed that although the ballroom had been advertised as a venue for state dinners and major diplomatic events, its primary purpose was pizza parties.

“The President has been very clear about this from day one,” said one senior official. “America needs somewhere nice to eat pizza.”

Plans obtained by The Daily Hyperbole show hundreds of folding tables, red plastic cups, several thousand paper plates, and a designated area where Cabinet officials could run around after getting too much sugar.

Administration officials said Trump planned to reward Cabinet members with a pizza party every Friday if they behaved themselves throughout the week.

A sticker chart had reportedly already been installed in the West Wing featuring categories including “No Leaking,” “Good Listening,” “Finished All My Work,” and “Did Not Start A New War.”

Vice President JD Vance currently leads with eleven gold stars.

“He was really looking forward to it,” one official said. “Someone has to tell him.”

The Secret Service is now evaluating alternative locations, including a Chuck E. Cheese in Northern Virginia believed to possess adequate parking, multiple emergency exits, and a functioning Skee-Ball machine.

Trump nevertheless vowed to continue fighting for the ballroom.

“This isn’t about me,” the President said. “It’s about pizza.”