ICE Assures Italy It Will Not Arrest Anyone for Being Italian, Yet
ICE Assures Italy It Will Not Arrest Anyone for Being Italian, Yet
Man Googles Symptom, WebMD Suggests Both “Dehydration” and “Immediate Death”
Man Googles Symptom, WebMD Suggests Both “Dehydration” and “Immediate Death”
Area Man Declares He’s “Basically A Chef” After Successfully Following Recipe
“Gordon Ramsay could never,” claims person who made spaghetti
World Powers Suddenly Very Interested in Arctic, Claim It’s About ‘Security’ and Definitely Not Resources
World Powers Suddenly Very Interested in Arctic, Claim It’s About ‘Security’ and Definitely Not Resources
Local Man Solves Neighborhood’s Most Pressing Problem By Picking Up Your Dog’s Poop
Because Someone Has to Be the Adult
CEO Says Layoffs Are ‘Difficult,’ From Third Vacation Home
“These decisions weigh heavily on me,” executive says while adjusting infinity pool temperature
Iran Lifts Internet Blackout Long Enough to Announce Internet Blackout Still In Effect
Brief Restoration Confirms Nothing Has Changed
Man Who Can’t Name Three Branches of Government Absolutely Certain Constitution Says What He Thinks It Says
Man Who Can’t Name Three Branches of Government Absolutely Certain Constitution Says What He Thinks It Says
Study Finds Americans Would Be Thriving If Rent, Groceries, Healthcare, And Time Were Free
Study Finds Americans Would Be Thriving If Rent, Groceries, Healthcare, And Time Were Free
Trump Declares Venezuela 51st State in Surprise Late-Night Announcement
Trump Declares Venezuela 51st State in Surprise Late-Night Announcement
Worker Spends Entire First Day Back Mentally Drafting Next Vacation
Local employee Kevin Ramirez returned to his office Monday morning after a cheerful stretch of paid time off and immediately entered a highly productive mental state focused exclusively on leaving again, sources confirmed.
Employee Returns From Time Off Unsure Why Job Exists
By Staff Writer, Still Mentally On PTO
Nation’s Thoughts and Prayers Officially Depleted, Congress Investigating Shortage
Emergency Reserves Tapped; Lawmakers Consider Importing Thoughts and Prayers from Canada
Local Couple Achieves American Dream by Inheriting It
Hard Work Supplemented by Generational Wealth, Just Like Founding Fathers Intended
Man Who “Does His Own Research” Announces Breakthrough After Watching 11 TikToks
Experts Stunned By Confidence Alone
Local Millennial Discovers They Can’t Afford Therapy to Process Why They Can’t Afford Anything
Irony Not Lost on Generation, Just Financially Inaccessible
Scientists Confirm Universe Is Just God’s Abandoned Simulation
Divine Developer Hasn’t Logged In Since Big Bang Update; Bug Reports Pile Up Unanswered
Trump Declares Peace in War That Hasn't Started Yet
Sources confirm the treaty saved trillions in hypothetical spending and countless imaginary lives.
Billionaire Announces Plan to Solve Problem He Created
Calls himself “uniquely qualified” after years of being the problem
Man Buys Smart Fridge, Fridge Now Lectures Him About Diet Choices
Appliance Immediately Develops Moral Superiority