Allied Nation Assures Citizens Leader Totally Real Despite Having “Slightly More Fingers Than Expected”
JERUSALEM — Government officials assured citizens Friday that their nation’s leader remains “completely real and definitely human” after a recent public address prompted widespread speculation that the Prime Minister may have been replaced by an artificial intelligence duplicate.
Woman Googles Man For 45 Minutes, Achieves Forensic Science Certification
CAMBRIDGE, MA — Celebrating Women's History Month by honoring generations of female intellectual achievement, local woman Mary Kelly reportedly completed the academic equivalent of a graduate degree in Forensic Science Thursday night after spending 45 minutes Googling a man she matched with on a dating app.
Nation Waits Patiently For Someone To Be Held Accountable For Literally Anything
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Citizens across the United States confirmed Monday that they are continuing to wait patiently for someone—anyone—to be held accountable for something.
Area Woman Declares ‘I’ll Just Do It Myself’ After Watching Man Struggle With Basic Task
MINNEAPOLIS, MN — Local resident Emily Carter reportedly declared “I’ll just do it myself” Tuesday afternoon after quietly observing a man struggle with what witnesses described as “a fairly straightforward task.”
Area Woman Opens Instagram For “One Minute,” Returns 47 Minutes Later With No Memory
Area Woman Opens Instagram For “One Minute,” Returns 47 Minutes Later With No Memory
Boston Woman Declares ‘This Is Nothing’ Before Immediately Slipping On Ice
Boston Woman Declares ‘This Is Nothing’ Before Immediately Slipping On Ice
Area Woman Turns Down Music So She Can See Better
Area Woman Turns Down Music So She Can See Better
Groundhog Files Restraining Order After Being Blamed For Entire Winter
Groundhog Files Restraining Order After Being Blamed For Entire Winter
Fact-Checkers Immediately Enter Witness Protection Program
Fact-Checkers Immediately Enter Witness Protection Program
Area Man Digs Out Car With No Intention of Going Anywhere
Area Man Digs Out Car With No Intention of Going Anywhere
Man Opens Fridge Again Hoping New Options Have Spawned
“I mean… there’s always a chance I missed something,” said Keegan, re-opening the door with quiet determination.
Nation Proudly Celebrates Athlete Who Finished 14th in Event No One Understands
“We always believed in her,” says uncle who learned the sport existed 11 minutes ago.
Bad Bunny Accidentally Makes America Horny, Confused, and Politically Radicalized
Bad Bunny Accidentally Makes America Horny, Confused, and Politically Radicalized
Man Watches Curling For First Time, Immediately Becomes Strategic Genius
Man Watches Curling For First Time, Immediately Becomes Strategic Genius
Consultant Threatens To Quit Job Over Microplastics In Office Water Supply
Consultant Threatens To Quit Job Over Microplastics In Office Water Supply
City Declares Emergency After Experiencing ‘Weather’
City Declares Emergency After Experiencing ‘Weather’
ICE Assures Italy It Will Not Arrest Anyone for Being Italian, Yet
ICE Assures Italy It Will Not Arrest Anyone for Being Italian, Yet
Man Googles Symptom, WebMD Suggests Both “Dehydration” and “Immediate Death”
Man Googles Symptom, WebMD Suggests Both “Dehydration” and “Immediate Death”
Area Man Declares He’s “Basically A Chef” After Successfully Following Recipe
“Gordon Ramsay could never,” claims person who made spaghetti
World Powers Suddenly Very Interested in Arctic, Claim It’s About ‘Security’ and Definitely Not Resources
World Powers Suddenly Very Interested in Arctic, Claim It’s About ‘Security’ and Definitely Not Resources