Brief Restoration Confirms Nothing Has Changed

Man Who Can’t Name Three Branches of Government Absolutely Certain Constitution Says What He Thinks It Says

Study Finds Americans Would Be Thriving If Rent, Groceries, Healthcare, And Time Were Free

Trump Declares Venezuela 51st State in Surprise Late-Night Announcement

Local employee Kevin Ramirez returned to his office Monday morning after a cheerful stretch of paid time off and immediately entered a highly productive mental state focused exclusively on leaving again, sources confirmed.

By Staff Writer, Still Mentally On PTO

Emergency Reserves Tapped; Lawmakers Consider Importing Thoughts and Prayers from Canada

Hard Work Supplemented by Generational Wealth, Just Like Founding Fathers Intended

Experts Stunned By Confidence Alone

Irony Not Lost on Generation, Just Financially Inaccessible

Divine Developer Hasn’t Logged In Since Big Bang Update; Bug Reports Pile Up Unanswered

Sources confirm the treaty saved trillions in hypothetical spending and countless imaginary lives.

Calls himself “uniquely qualified” after years of being the problem

Appliance Immediately Develops Moral Superiority

Congress Votes That Health Insurance Premiums “Don’t Matter,” Americans Encouraged To Pay Astronomical Amounts Out of Pocket

Keynote Speaker Spends Two Hours Rebranding… a Chair.

Experts Warn: “This Could Take Out Half of D.C.”

New App Lets You Schedule Panic Attacks During Work Hours

“I went through all five stages of grief, and now they want me to log back into Outlook?”

Hero declares victory over to-do list before realizing it was just the title of the list itself.