The Onion Promises To Preserve InfoWars’ Proud Tradition Of Making Things Up
Satirical publication assures longtime listeners the site will remain deeply committed to baseless claims, yelling, and monetized panic
AUSTIN, TX — Following renewed legal efforts to take control of InfoWars, executives at The Onion announced Tuesday that they intend to preserve the outlet’s proud tradition of making things up, assuring longtime fans that the site’s core mission of confusing frightened Americans for profit will remain fully intact.
Breaking: ‘Epstein Suicide Note’ Emerges, Somehow Confirms Every Person’s Preexisting Belief
Americans praise document’s remarkable ability to validate mutually exclusive conclusions simultaneously
WASHINGTON, D.C. — A newly surfaced document widely described online as a “Jeffrey Epstein suicide note” has rapidly achieved what experts are calling a historic breakthrough in modern discourse: confirming every American’s preexisting belief at the exact same time.
Man Who “Does His Own Research” Announces Breakthrough After Watching 11 TikToks
Experts Stunned By Confidence Alone