SAN FRANCISCO, CA — The world’s leading artificial intelligence companies reached a historic consensus Wednesday that their technology poses a profound threat to humanity, signing a joint declaration before returning to their offices to make it considerably more powerful.

Americans praise document’s remarkable ability to validate mutually exclusive conclusions simultaneously
WASHINGTON, D.C. — A newly surfaced document widely described online as a “Jeffrey Epstein suicide note” has rapidly achieved what experts are calling a historic breakthrough in modern discourse: confirming every American’s preexisting belief at the exact same time.