Man Who “Does His Own Research” Announces Breakthrough After Watching 11 TikToks
Experts Stunned By Confidence Alone
By Staff Science Correspondent, Self-Taught (Online)
Location: A Basement With “Good Wi-Fi”
DES MOINES, IOWA — Local man Kyle R., 34, announced a major scientific breakthrough Tuesday evening after what he described as “weeks of intense research,” later clarified to be 11 TikTok videos watched consecutively without skipping ads.
“I’m basically an expert now,” Kyle told reporters while refreshing his For You page. “Once you see the pattern, you can’t unsee it. The fact that universities haven’t figured this out yet is honestly embarrassing.”
Kyle’s research journey reportedly began when a video titled “They Don’t Want You To Know This” autoplayed while he was eating cereal.
“That’s when I knew I was onto something,” he said.
The Research Process
According to Kyle, his methodology was rigorous:
11 TikToks
3 creators wearing lab coats
1 guy pointing aggressively at text on screen
Zero primary sources
“Vibes”
“I cross-checked everything,” Kyle explained. “If two unrelated accounts said the same thing, that’s peer review.”
At press time, Kyle confirmed he had not read a single study, citing concerns that “journals are compromised.”
The Breakthrough
Kyle’s conclusions remain fluid but “extremely solid,” including:
Doctors are hiding a cure
Scientists are lying about at least one thing
The timeline “doesn’t add up”
Anyone disagreeing is “part of it”
He has since begun correcting friends, family, and strangers in comment sections.
“You can’t just trust experts,” Kyle said. “You have to trust yourself. And also this guy with a podcast mic in his car.”
Experts Respond
The scientific community responded cautiously.
“We are impressed by the level of confidence,” said Dr. Elaine Porter, an epidemiologist. “Historically, confidence has not been a substitute for evidence, but Kyle is certainly testing that theory.”
Several universities reportedly reached out to Kyle, not to collaborate, but to ask him to stop emailing them.
Plans Going Forward
Kyle says he plans to publish his findings “soon,” once he figures out how to turn a Notes app screenshot into a PDF.
“I’m not saying I’m smarter than everyone,” he clarified. “I’m just saying I figured this out faster.”
When asked what he would do if proven wrong, Kyle paused.
“That wouldn’t really fit the narrative.”
Editor’s Note
Kyle has since updated his bio to include:
“Independent Researcher | Free Thinker | Asking Questions.”