STRASBOURG, FRANCE — European lawmakers were forced to temporarily set aside pressing matters of international security, economic policy, and climate change this week after an enormous golden statue of a naked Donald Trump appeared inside the European Parliament, raising serious questions about both the state of global diplomacy and who approved the building's decorations.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Historians issued an urgent warning Friday that President Donald Trump appears to be speedrunning the Roman Empire after plans advanced for a massive 250-foot triumphal arch in Washington, D.C., despite continued uncertainty over what, exactly, the nation has triumphed over.