Trump Enters Lame-Duck Era, Duck Denies Association
WASHINGTON— Following Republican losses in both the House and Senate, a local duck held an emergency press conference Wednesday to distance himself from President Donald Trump, insisting he had a functioning agenda, broad support around the pond, and several places he could still realistically go.
White House Press Secretary Completes Entire Career in Five Days
WASHINGTON, D.C. — White House Press Secretary Katie Zacharia concluded a distinguished five-day career Friday, completing a remarkable professional journey that included a promising debut, a major controversy, a period of intense public scrutiny, and an abrupt retirement, all before the weekend.
Historians Warn Trump Is Speedrunning Roman Empire
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Historians issued an urgent warning Friday that President Donald Trump appears to be speedrunning the Roman Empire after plans advanced for a massive 250-foot triumphal arch in Washington, D.C., despite continued uncertainty over what, exactly, the nation has triumphed over.
America Marks 250th Birthday By Asking Cashiers To Break A $250
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bold tribute to 250 years of American independence, Treasury officials confirmed Thursday that the nation may celebrate its semiquincentennial by introducing a commemorative $250 bill and then immediately asking the most underpaid workers in the country to decide whether it is real.
Economists Warn War May Be Bad For Prices, Consumers, Supply Chains, And Everyone Involved
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a stunning breakthrough that experts are calling “obvious in hindsight and also obvious beforehand,” leading economists warned Thursday that war may be bad for prices, consumers, supply chains, fuel costs, grocery bills, household budgets, global stability, and nearly everyone directly or indirectly involved.
Fact-Checkers Immediately Enter Witness Protection Program
Fact-Checkers Immediately Enter Witness Protection Program