European Parliament Unveils Naked Trump Statue, Officials Confirm Nobody Asked for This
STRASBOURG, FRANCE — European lawmakers were forced to temporarily set aside pressing matters of international security, economic policy, and climate change this week after an enormous golden statue of a naked Donald Trump appeared inside the European Parliament, raising serious questions about both the state of global diplomacy and who approved the building's decorations.
Pope Clarifies AI Destroying Humanity Would Not Be ‘Fake News’
VATICAN CITY — Pope Leo XIV clarified that artificial intelligence wiping out the human race would constitute an actual event, even if people disliked the outlets reporting it.
Trump Named Greatest President in Prestigious Survey Conducted by Trump
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump has been named the greatest president in American history following an extensive and highly competitive review conducted by Donald Trump.
Europeans Furious After America Finally Learns Soccer And Immediately Starts Rigging It
NEW YORK, NY — In what European officials are calling “a dark day for the beautiful game” and American officials are calling “finally understanding the sport,” the United States has reportedly mastered soccer just in time to begin influencing the rules, the referees, and the disciplinary process.
White House Says Boos Were Actually Chants Of ‘Boo-S-A! Boo-S-A!’
NEW YORK, NY —
The White House pushed back forcefully Monday against reports that President Donald Trump was booed during his appearance at Madison Square Garden, clarifying that the crowd was actually chanting “Boo-S-A! Boo-S-A!” in what officials described as “a spontaneous, deeply patriotic expression of rhythmic national unity.”