BOSTON, MA — In a bold and deeply personal act of self-care, local man Kevin Morales announced Monday that he was “finally done” with social media, citing the need for peace, clarity, and “a return to what actually matters.”

CAMBRIDGE, MA — Local woman Emily Carter, 29, reportedly placed full trust in her social media algorithm to keep her informed on current events Tuesday, before becoming “almost instantly and impressively misinformed” on multiple topics within minutes.