By Thurston P. Bootstrap IV, National Heartbreak Recovery Correspondent
Medford, Massachusetts—Americans began the difficult process of healing Wednesday after officials confirmed that a promising local relationship had ended following three dates, abruptly closing one of the most consequential romantic chapters of the week.

CAMBRIDGE, MA — Local woman Emily Carter, 29, reportedly thanked ChatGPT Tuesday afternoon after receiving what she described as a “solid, not amazing, but definitely usable” answer, citing a desire to “stay on its good side, just in case.”

CHICAGO, IL — Local woman Jenna Morales, 28, confirmed Tuesday that she has created an increasingly detailed pros and cons list evaluating a man she has been dating for several weeks, despite remaining “completely undecided” on whether she actually likes him.