Tracklist Announcement for The Life of a Showgirl Causes Spotify Servers to Break Into Nervous Sweat

The Daily Hyperbole

“More Truth Than Reality Can Handle”
CEO Spotted Hiding in Soundproof Booth Until October 3

By Buffering Desk Correspondent, The Daily Hyperbole

STOCKHOLM, SWEDEN — Moments after Taylor Swift announced the release date and full tracklist for her upcoming album The Life of a Showgirl, Spotify’s global server network reportedly began “audibly groaning” under the weight of millions of fans refreshing the app every two seconds.

“It’s not even out yet and we’re already running at Eras Tour levels of strain,” said one engineer, wiping condensation from the overheated racks of servers. “When Track 5 hit the list, three servers fainted and one asked for a cold towel.”

Spotify CEO Daniel Ek was last seen entering the company’s soundproof panic booth, clutching a bottle of chamomile tea and muttering, “Just make it to October 3… just make it to October 3…”

Industry analysts say this isn’t unprecedented. “Anytime Taylor so much as changes her profile picture, traffic spikes like the Nasdaq on a good day,” said streaming trends expert Carla Nguyen. “But a full tracklist for The Life of a Showgirl? That’s like asking your servers to run the Boston Marathon with a piano strapped to their back.”

Meanwhile, fan speculation is already pushing the company’s limits. “We’re tracking over 2.7 million posts dissecting the meaning of ‘Track 8’—most of which involve red string, tarot cards, and grainy screenshots,” said a weary moderator for the Swiftie subreddit.

Spotify has reportedly deployed an emergency “Swift Surge” protocol, which involves rerouting server power from less critical functions, such as podcasts and every song released by men in the last 50 years.