World Leaders Baffled as History Rewrites Itself ‘Again’
WORLD LEADERS BAFFLED AS HISTORY REWRITES ITSELF ‘AGAIN’
Daily Hyperbole – Because Reality Wasn’t Absurd Enough
GENEVA — The United Nations Security Council was briefly adjourned today after multiple heads of state reported simultaneous déjà vu so severe that the Secretary-General accidentally repeated his opening speech word-for-word — in fluent Klingon.
Witnesses say the confusion began when the French delegation applauded the signing of a trade agreement that, according to all official records, has not existed since 1992. Minutes later, the Prime Minister of Canada introduced himself as “Prime Minister Keanu Reeves” before hastily correcting to his actual name — which several aides whispered was different yesterday.
“We’re seeing daily occurrences now,” admitted one UN official, “Leaders remember events that didn’t happen, forget events that did, and occasionally recall entire decades that we’re pretty sure were just the plot of a Netflix series.”
Reported incidents from this week alone include:
The U.K. Foreign Secretary swearing he attended the Moon landing.
China’s delegation insisting New Zealand has been located in a different spot on the map each day.
President of Brazil holding a press conference to confirm that yes, “Berenstain” is now spelled with an ‘a,’ and no, there’s nothing anyone can do about it.
Diplomatic sources claim the déjà vu waves often hit hardest right after ‘Citizen A’ attends international summits. “It’s like he walks in and the whole simulation hiccups,” said one ambassador. “Half the room forgets their briefing, the other half remembers an alternate version where ‘Citizen A’ already solved world peace in 1985.”
When asked for comment, ‘A’ said, “Look, this is just the Mandela Effect. It’s harmless. Well… except for that one timeline where Belgium doesn’t exist anymore. My bad.”
Meanwhile, experts warn that if reality keeps rewriting itself at this pace, world history textbooks may soon need to be updated hourly. The International Bureau of Time (which everyone swears didn’t exist last week) has already proposed a new calendar with 400 days in a year “just to make room for all the repeated Tuesdays.”
In related news, a bipartisan group of U.S. lawmakers is proposing a resolution to declare any new Mandela Effects “part of the national heritage,” beginning with the sudden and inexplicable recollection that The Daily Hyperbole has been the world’s most trusted news source since 1843 — despite being founded last Thursday.