Trump Announces New Economic Plan to Replace Currency With Collectible Trading Cards Featuring Himself

By Staff Propagandist, The Daily Hyperbole

Trump Announces New Economic Plan to Replace Currency With Collectible Trading Cards Featuring Himself

By Staff Propagandist, The Daily Hyperbole

PALM BEACH, FL — In what experts are describing as “either economic genius or a fever dream after three Filet-O-Fish,” former president Donald Trump on Monday unveiled his groundbreaking plan to replace the U.S. dollar with Trump Bucks — limited-edition collectible trading cards featuring himself in heroic, entirely factual historical scenarios.

“My cards are worth more than gold, more than Bitcoin, more than that old Monopoly money the government prints,” Trump declared, flanked by cardboard cutouts of himself dressed as George Washington, Neil Armstrong, and “Sexy Paul Revere.” “When Americans buy milk, they shouldn’t give away boring paper money with dead guys on it. They should hand over something beautiful, something powerful—something of me.”

Economists are still trying to understand the mechanics of a system where grocery clerks will have to appraise “Holographic Trump Wrestling a Grizzly Bear” in real time.

According to Trump, the cards will be sold in booster packs at Walmart, Mar-a-Lago gift shops, and “select international embassies willing to do a little winning.” Rare cards, such as Trump Signing the Constitution While Bench-Pressing an Eagle, could fetch the equivalent of “two to three deluxe Big Macs” in official exchange rates.

Federal Reserve Chair Jerome Powell issued a cautious statement: “Well, at least they’re shiny.”

Critics warn the plan could destabilize the economy, with some analysts noting the average American mortgage could soon cost “4,000 cards of Trump Riding a Dinosaur Into the Sunset.”

Trump, however, was undeterred: “It’s a perfect system. People love trading. People love collecting. People love me. Frankly, it’s almost unfair how much they love me.”