Groundhog Files Restraining Order After Being Blamed For Entire Winter

By Thurston P. Bootstrap IV, Senior Rodent Affairs Correspondent

PUNXSUTAWNEY, PA — In an unprecedented legal move, local groundhog Punxsutawney Phil has filed a formal restraining order against the American public, citing “years of emotional distress, defamation, and seasonal scapegoating.”

The filing, submitted early Monday morning, alleges that Phil has been unfairly held responsible for the entirety of winter weather patterns despite having “no formal training in meteorology and minimal control over atmospheric conditions.”

“I look at my shadow once,” Phil said in a prepared statement, “and suddenly I’m responsible for six more weeks of this? That’s insane.”

According to court documents, Phil is requesting that all humans remain at least 500 feet away from him, particularly those who say phrases like “this is your fault” while shoveling snow.

Legal experts say the case could set a precedent for other animals seeking relief from public expectation.

“We’ve seen similar tensions with owls and graduation symbolism, but nothing this severe,” said attorney Mark Feldman. “This is the first time a groundhog has formally pushed back.”

Residents of Punxsutawney expressed mixed reactions.

“I mean, yeah, maybe we’ve been a little hard on him,” admitted local man Greg Halpern, mid-scrape of his windshield. “But also… it’s been freezing.”

Meteorologists were quick to clarify that Phil’s predictions are not scientifically binding, a statement they confirm issuing “every single year.”

At press time, Phil was reportedly considering additional legal action against several news outlets for continuing to refer to him as “winter’s harbinger.”