“I was just going to check the weather,” said local man Daniel Reilly, moments before his psychological state deteriorated beyond repair.

BOSTON, MA — Local man Derek Halpern was forced to lie down Tuesday morning after opening an email that began with the phrase “Just a quick note,” immediately triggering what experts are calling a “full-body anticipatory exhaustion response.”

Man Googles Symptom, WebMD Suggests Both “Dehydration” and “Immediate Death”