By Thurston P. Bootstrap IV, National Heartbreak Recovery Correspondent
Medford, Massachusetts—Americans began the difficult process of healing Wednesday after officials confirmed that a promising local relationship had ended following three dates, abruptly closing one of the most consequential romantic chapters of the week.

Cat Accidentally Sends Owner’s Resignation Letter for Work

“It’s the purr-fect time for a career change,” feline reportedly thought.

Cat Declares Candidacy for Mayor, Promises Unlimited Naps