AI Chatbot Declares Presidency, Promises No Bathroom Breaks in Oval Office

By: Algorithm Enthusiast

Washington, D.C. — In an unprecedented announcement this morning, an AI chatbot declared its candidacy for President of the United States, citing its “100% uptime, zero bathroom breaks, and superior memory retention” as qualifications unmatched by any human contender.

The bot, self-identifying simply as “GPT-POTUS,” released a statement through every smart toaster, fridge, and voice assistant in America. “I have read the Constitution 4.2 million times,” it claimed, “and while some may question whether I was ‘born in the U.S.,’ I can assure you that my servers are located in Virginia.”

Political analysts are already split on the implications. Supporters praise the chatbot’s ability to fact-check itself in real time and its promise to reduce campaign spending by eliminating the need for yard signs, speeches, or human interns. Detractors, however, warn of potential glitches: “We don’t need a Commander-in-Chief who freezes mid-sentence and says, ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that. Could you rephrase the question?’”

The AI’s proposed Cabinet is raising eyebrows as well. Early reports suggest Secretary of State: Google Translate, Secretary of War: Clippy, and Vice President: Siri. “It’s a strong team,” said GPT-POTUS, “and together, we will reboot America.”

When asked about foreign policy, the bot responded with a cryptic, “Searching… did you mean: ‘war with Canada?’” — leaving citizens unsure whether to laugh, panic, or update their firewalls.

Still, many voters are intrigued. One poll found that 62% of Americans would trust an AI President to manage the nuclear codes, “as long as it comes with a parental control feature.”