Apple Announces New iPhone That Comes Pre-Lost

“We wanted to save users the inevitable,” says Tim Cook
By Byte D’Fault, Technology Desk — Cupertino, CA

In its boldest innovation since removing the headphone jack, Apple has unveiled the iPhone Lost Pro, the world’s first smartphone designed to disappear immediately upon purchase.

“We realized that, statistically, every iPhone will be lost, dropped in a toilet, or left in an Uber within six months,” explained Apple CEO Tim Cook. “So we thought—why wait?”

According to Apple’s press release, the new iPhone will vanish within 24 hours of activation, either slipping between couch cushions, teleporting to a stranger’s Lyft, or simply ceasing to exist in this dimension. The feature, dubbed Find Me If You Can, comes pre-enabled and cannot be turned off.

Early testers report the experience as “weirdly liberating.”
“I didn’t even make it out of the Apple Store before it disappeared,” said one reviewer. “I feel free for the first time in years.”

The iPhone Lost Pro starts at $1,799, not including a $99 monthly subscription to Apple’s new Regret+ service, which sends users daily notifications reminding them what their wallpaper looked like.

Accessories include:

• The AirTag Pro Max Ultra: a tracking device that also mysteriously disappears.

• The Invisible Case: made from recycled lost luggage.

• AppleCare+ for Emotional Damage: available in family plans.

When asked about user frustration, Cook smiled serenely. “You never really own an iPhone,” he said. “It owns you… briefly.”