Area Man Digs Out Car With No Intention of Going Anywhere

By Thurston P. Bootstrap IV

NEWTON, MA — Local man Eric Lawson, 37, spent approximately three hours Monday morning meticulously digging his car out of a snowbank, despite having no plans, obligations, or even vague aspirations of leaving his home.

Neighbors reported Lawson began shoveling at 7:12 a.m., citing what he described as “just getting ahead of it,” before continuing well past the point of practical necessity.

“I mean, I don’t need to go anywhere,” Lawson admitted, wiping sweat from his forehead as fresh snow immediately refilled the space he had just cleared. “But it’s good to have the option.”

Sources confirm the car has not been used in four days.

Experts say the behavior is consistent with a phenomenon known as Preventative Productivity, in which individuals perform physically demanding tasks to simulate control over uncontrollable conditions.

“There’s something deeply psychological about it,” said one neighbor, watching from inside with a blanket and coffee. “He’s not freeing the car. He’s freeing himself.”

At press time, Lawson had successfully uncovered the vehicle, moved it forward three feet, and begun digging out the exact same spot again.