IT Guy Proposes Shutting Off Entire Internet to Fix Spotty Wi-Fi

By LAN Cable Correspondent
New York, NY — September 30, 2025

In what experts are calling “the nuclear option of tech support,” an IT employee recommended shutting down the entire global internet in order to fix one user’s spotty Wi-Fi connection.

The suggestion came after a frustrated employee complained of buffering cat videos during lunch. “I tried restarting their router, updating the drivers, even moving them closer to the access point,” explained the IT Guy. “But nothing worked. That’s when it hit me—if we just turn the whole internet off and on again, it’ll clear the cache globally.”

Sources say the IT Guy was serious, presenting a detailed plan that involved a giant switch “located somewhere in Silicon Valley, probably next to Elon Musk’s espresso machine.” The plan would briefly plunge humanity into a pre-1990s dark age but promises “full bars” once the system reboots.

Public reaction has been mixed. Some praised the bold solution:

• “Honestly, it might not be the worst idea. I’ve been meaning to touch grass,” said one millennial.

• Others expressed concern: “If the internet goes down for even five minutes, who will update Wikipedia, or worse, TikTok?” asked a Gen Z activist while recording themselves on TikTok.

Government officials have reportedly convened an emergency task force to determine whether humanity can survive a 10-minute blackout. Early studies suggest society would collapse around minute six.

At press time, the IT Guy was last seen Googling “giant internet power switch location” on his phone’s LTE.