Millennial Declares Bankruptcy After Buying 3 Coffees and a Candle

Financial Analysts Say, “Yeah, That Tracks.”

BROOKLYN, NY — In what economists are calling “the most accurate case study of 2025,” local millennial Evan Harper, 33, officially filed for bankruptcy after purchasing three artisanal coffees and a limited-edition “Autumnal Nostalgia” candle.

According to Harper’s bankruptcy filing, the damage began when he ordered an oat-milk latte with vanilla foam ($8.75), followed by an iced lavender cold brew ($9.25), and finally a “therapeutic” mushroom mocha ($11.50). The $42 candle—hand-poured by monks in Vermont—was reportedly “the final nail in the checking account.”

“I just wanted to treat myself,” Harper told reporters from his studio apartment (which he now rents to his cat for extra income). “But apparently self-care has a credit limit.”

Financial analysts confirmed that the incident reflects the broader millennial struggle between self-preservation and self-indulgence.
“Honestly, this is a macroeconomic parable,” said Dr. Janelle Crumb, senior analyst at the Institute for Fiscal Despair. “Once avocado toast went over $15, we should have known civilization was collapsing.”

Witnesses reported seeing Harper confidently swipe his card at all four establishments before quietly whispering, “It’s fine, payday’s soon,” despite not knowing when that was. Moments later, he reportedly received 27 overdraft emails from his bank and a motivational quote from his budgeting app that read, “It’s okay to not be okay, financially.”

When asked about next steps, Harper stated he would “pivot to minimalism,” which currently involves drinking tap water from a mason jar and lighting what remains of the candle only on “special occasions,” such as when the Wi-Fi reconnects.

Meanwhile, Starbucks shares rose 3% following the incident.