WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump escalated tensions with Iran late Saturday by deploying levels of CAPS LOCK not seen since World War II, unleashing a concentrated barrage of capital letters across Truth Social and placing the entire Persian Gulf on heightened typographical alert.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The United States has officially renewed its premium war subscription with Iran after allowing a complimentary ceasefire trial to expire, White House officials confirmed Thursday.