New Dating App Matches People Based on Shared Hatred
By Dating Correspondent, The Daily Hyperbole
Silicon Valley, CA — Move over, Tinder and Bumble. A new dating app, “Loathr”, is revolutionizing the world of romance by focusing not on what people love, but on what they can’t stand.
Instead of swiping right because someone likes hiking or craft beer, users are paired with others who hate the same things. From pineapple on pizza to people who clap when planes land, Loathr is uniting singles one grudge at a time.
“Love is fleeting, but hatred is forever,” said Loathr CEO Travis McNulty while sipping a lukewarm coffee (which he hates). “We realized people don’t bond over their favorite movies. They bond over hating the same Marvel sequels.”
The app’s algorithm is designed to amplify rage chemistry. A typical user profile might read:
“Despises group texts.”
“Loathes cargo shorts.”
“Cannot tolerate people who say ‘let’s circle back.’”
When both users swipe right on the same hatred, Loathr calls it a “Mutual Loathe Match.” Push notifications then encourage couples to “vent together” over drinks.
Early adopters claim the app is saving their love lives.
“I’ve never felt so understood,” said Jessica, 28, who met her boyfriend on Loathr after they both selected ‘Taylor Swift conspiracy theorists’ as a dealbreaker. “Now we spend every night yelling at the same cooking shows. It’s magical.”
Of course, not everyone is a fan. Critics worry the app is fueling division. Religious leaders have warned that entire marriages may be built on “unstable foundations of rage.”
But Loathr users disagree.
“When we first argued, I thought it was over,” admitted Kyle, 31, who hates rollerblading. “But then I realized—we both hate arguing. That’s when I knew she was the one.”
The company plans to roll out premium features next month, including “Hate-cations” (discount trips for couples who mutually despise Disneyland) and “Block Together” (a button that instantly blocks your shared enemies on social media).
Loathr is already trending worldwide, with its motto catching on among singles everywhere:
“The couple that hates together, dates together.”