World Powers Suddenly Very Interested in Arctic, Claim It’s About ‘Security’ and Definitely Not Resources

News Correspondent 1/21/26 News Correspondent 1/21/26

World Powers Suddenly Very Interested in Arctic, Claim It’s About ‘Security’ and Definitely Not Resources

News Correspondent 1/14/26 News Correspondent 1/14/26

Iran Lifts Internet Blackout Long Enough to Announce Internet Blackout Still In Effect

Brief Restoration Confirms Nothing Has Changed

News Correspondent 1/7/26 News Correspondent 1/7/26

Trump Declares Venezuela 51st State in Surprise Late-Night Announcement

Trump Declares Venezuela 51st State in Surprise Late-Night Announcement

News Correspondent 12/19/25 News Correspondent 12/19/25

Nation’s Thoughts and Prayers Officially Depleted, Congress Investigating Shortage

Emergency Reserves Tapped; Lawmakers Consider Importing Thoughts and Prayers from Canada